In 2022, Kalifa Oliver was on top of the world—recently promoted to a vice president-level role, celebrating with her family over a Zoom call. But just four months later, she was unexpectedly laid off, which dramatically changed her perspective on career and life. Oliver, who now serves as the Global Director for Employee Experience at Ford, shares the powerful lessons she learned from her experience, especially regarding loyalty to employers.

The Wake-Up Call: A Job Is Not Your Entire Identity

Before her layoff, Kalifa was a “career girl,” as she puts it. Work wasn’t just what she did; it was her life. It brought her joy, fulfillment, and a sense of validation. But when she lost her job, she faced an identity crisis she hadn't prepared for. “I couldn’t get out of bed. I had to go on a whole retreat, and then I had to realize that my identity was work, and someone took that identity away,” she recalls.

She met with her therapist, who asked her a simple yet profound question: “Who are you without a job?” Kalifa couldn’t answer. That was when the shift began. Losing her job forced her to rethink everything she believed about work and personal identity.

Today, Oliver recognizes that she is more than just her job title. She’s a mother, a daughter, a friend, and even a self-proclaimed comedian. While she’s proud of her professional achievements, she has learned not to let them define her. She no longer places the company or career over her well-being and happiness.

The Problem with “Loyalty” to Employers

Oliver’s most valuable lesson from her career crisis? The worst professional advice she ever received: “Work should be my whole life and I should be loyal.” She explains, “Loyalty is what I get from my marriage. It’s what I get from my relationships. It’s not something I should give unconditionally to my employer.”

She acknowledges that many people, especially those early in their careers, feel the pressure to dedicate themselves entirely to their jobs. This mentality can lead to burnout, dissatisfaction, and a lack of fulfillment outside of work. Oliver stresses that while employers may express loyalty to their employees, this is often in a transactional sense, especially in times of change, such as layoffs or restructuring. “It’s disingenuous to tell your team that you’re family when you’re actually in business,” she adds.

The Impact of Work on Identity

Oliver’s experience is not unique. According to a 2023 report from Pew Research Center, nearly 4 in 10 American workers who are not self-employed say their job or career is a significant part of their identity. For those with postgraduate education, this number jumps to 53%.

This deep attachment to work can be problematic, leading individuals to overvalue their job and neglect other aspects of their lives. It can also create unrealistic expectations that one’s career should fulfill every emotional and psychological need. “You can overwork yourself for the company or stifle your own needs and goals,” Oliver warns.

The “Family” Culture in Business

Oliver isn’t alone in challenging the notion of work as family. Some of the world’s most well-known CEOs, like Airbnb’s Brian Chesky and Shake Shack’s Danny Meyer, have faced similar realizations.

Chesky, who made the difficult decision to lay off employees during the pandemic, initially wrote a heartfelt note to his team, saying, “I have a deep feeling of love for all of you.” In hindsight, he acknowledges that the use of the word “love” was problematic. “You don’t fire members of your family,” he reflects. He now understands that a company is not a family and that using family language in business can lead to confusion and disappointment.

Similarly, Danny Meyer, during a keynote at the Qualtrics X4 Summit, explained how his own “family values” culture had to be reconsidered. “Sometimes businesses have to exit people. When was the last time you fired a family member?” he asked the audience. Meyer now admits that it is disingenuous to tell employees they’re part of a “family” when the business’s primary goal is profit.

The Reality of Work-Life Balance

While loyalty to an employer might seem like a noble concept, it’s important to remember that work is just one part of life. Oliver’s story serves as a reminder that our identities should not be tied solely to our jobs. She encourages individuals to create boundaries and prioritize personal happiness, family, and other passions outside of work.

In today’s fast-paced world, work-life balance has become increasingly crucial. Oliver’s advice to employees is simple: don’t let your job define you. Instead, cultivate a sense of self that is rooted in your values, relationships, and life outside of work. This will help you navigate life’s uncertainties with resilience and maintain your happiness regardless of what happens in your professional life.

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Kalifa Oliver’s career journey offers a powerful lesson in reclaiming one’s identity after an unexpected layoff. By shifting her mindset from seeing work as her entire identity to recognizing her worth beyond her job, Oliver found a new sense of balance and fulfillment. Her message to others is clear: While it’s important to take pride in your work, it should never come at the cost of your well-being or personal life.

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